from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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