Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
