So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
