Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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