So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
