6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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