I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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