Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
