We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
