Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
