Nicole vs. Life
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
