I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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