Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
