So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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