dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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