I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
