Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize