and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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