Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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