awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
