I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
