and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
