haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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