does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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