What a fucking waste of an outfit
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
