Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
