Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
They have beer where we have blood.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
