i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
