Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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