Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
