If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
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