The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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