I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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