hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
