Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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