Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
