Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
