i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
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