Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
