there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
