Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
