Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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