All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize