'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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