Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize