fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
