I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
