turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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