I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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