We're facebook friends in real life
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
