Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
