Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
