My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
