This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
