I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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