i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Terrible idea I love it
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
