i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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