i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
