mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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