I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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