I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
