Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
