yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
