I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
