now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
