k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
