i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
