i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I wish I only lived at night.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
