so that wasnt chicken after all
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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