She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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