I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
