Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
