If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
