I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
