Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
