fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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