do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
