I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
