One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
