You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
