Christians are straight up FREAKS
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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