I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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