You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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