i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
