Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
