I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
