Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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