Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
