like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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