Will you blow on my dice?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
