I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
