Pregnant stripper...not hot.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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