he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
