90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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