Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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