And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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